Sunday, July 7, 2013

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

NP: Battlecross - Flesh and Bone
You know what that means, Nation.

Time to pop part of a pill and talk real for a while to you, Nation. Ahhhh....much better.

Over the course of the past two weeks, there's been a limited number of videos, updates, or general communication out of the Coverkiller Nation camp. This is something I am tremendously aware of on a constant basis, and a source of grief that I've not been able to follow-up the triumph of the 24 Hours of Reviewing with a steady diet of new videos. I intended to take about a week off, but what happened completely turned that vacation upside-down.

Most of you are aware that on June 9th, 2013, my Uncle committed suicide in his room by cutting his throat from one side to the other. This event does still cause a bit of trauma to my soul, but I instead opted to push through and continue forward in honor of a life that was led in true torment. I am still finding out more pieces to this puzzle, and that which I'm discovering is showcasing some foul play on the part of an egomaniac doctor, the removal of his medication for his paranoid schizophrenia, previous suicide attempts that were not successful, and the general dismay of knowing that even if his medical care's decisions were wrong, his Veteran status, and treatment at a Veteran's hospital means that little if anything can be done. Troubled dreams have followed, depression has seeped in, which means that I need to return to one of my previous coping mechanics, writing, in order to silence most of the internal hatred and rage that possesses me on a daily basis. So its time for that side of me to come out of retirement, and formulate a lyrical album as I once did on a relatively constant basis. I urge musicians to view any of these, and if further development can lead to some sort of musical future to anything posted, I'd be more than willing to take it to that next step, even if my voice wasn't even a part of it. In short, I'd be willing to commission any work to bands that would want it.

Then life got turned upside down again.

I live in a small apartment with my girlfriend. Its barely big enough for the two of us, but her brother got word that his wife was kicking him out. With nowhere else to go, he's been staying with us now since two days after the 24 Hours of Reviewing stopped. Our schedules clash, with his working nights, and our working days. His off-days are consistent, ours are not. Because of that, no videos could be made during the daytime. I usually record alone, to ensure minimal distraction, so with no time in these conditions, frustration began to build. Hence, I've gone to the old studio, which I am thankful enough to still have a stake in, just to get a few videos out. But those conditions are far from ideal. Its turned into storage space, so the setting that was once vibrant with metal and music now looks like I've wandered into a storage unit, ANY STORAGE UNIT, and just accosted it for my own gain for a few hours at a time. I apologize sincerely for that. Its unprofessional, but with limited choice, I've gone with whatever I can.

Sidebar: If anyone has a fully cracked version of Sony Vegas 11, i'd be indebted to you.  

This situation has also crossed generations. Their issues have in their crosshairs the futures of three children, my girlfriend's two nephews and niece. So, at times, our little tiny home that can barely hold us has held SIX people in it. Space is nonexistent, time is an illusion, production has been impossible. Its funny how the situations of other people can affect YOU and YOUR home situation, your relationship and every single aspect of your life. Without a logical way to record and listen, and essentially do what I love to do for all of you, I felt as though I was letting you all down, and hurting you after our greatest triumph, where I asked so much of you. Hardly a reward. I spiraled further into madness.

The final blow in this trilogy of wretched luck comes from my job-front. Most if not all of you know that I work at FYE, a music/movie/entertainment store, as a third-keyholding manager. Corporate in their thoughts of brilliance have chosen to suspend full-time hours to my position company-wide, which prevents them from having to claim all of us for healthcare under the new Obamacare guidelines. Alleviating the cost has larger detriments, however, considering the requirement to be eligible is a minimum of 28 hours a week. I easily pull close to 40 hours a week as it now stands, and exceed that when my fellow managers are on vacation. A 12 hour cut makes living and making bills impossible. Even with large, full-scale cuts to aspects of my life I enjoy for fun, it still doesn't cover it. EVEN WITH YOUTUBE IT DOESN'T CUT IT. So my option is simple, find a new job, or fight this, arguing my company worth, my nearly 5 years of service and flawless sales figures. I could also argue that the store itself would suffer, many customers have personally spoken to me, telling me that if I ever left, they would take their business elsewhere. One could argue that this speaks poorly on my fellow employees, but I instead take the side that without my impact, their experience at the store would've been a one-time deal, instead of it becoming a constant place of shopping for them. With the market already going to hell because of downloading, streaming, and Netflix, can these stores afford to make this cut? Will they survive? I have serious doubts. My standing on the company is already very shady, considering they ALSO, ON TOP OF THIS, owe me close to 500 dollars in health insurance premiums deducted from my paychecks FOR HEALTHCARE I SUSPENDED IN FEBRUARY. Last year I basically, with their version of "healthcare" could claim to friends I had healthcare, but it covered NOTHING. My wisdom teeth extraction was out of pocket, all medicines were out of pocket, I couldn't even visit a doctor without fear that the healthcare would be denied, which seemed to happen EVERY time. And now, after I suspended the service THEY STILL DEDUCT FROM MY WAGES, WHICH THEY ARE GOING TO BE LIMITING ANYWAY? I don't fucking think so. If this money doesn't appear back in my hands, the courts may have to become involved, because that, my friends, is grounds for embezzlement.

It'd be one thing if I were complaining about these three things that have happened over the course of 6 months, or a year. No, folks. I'm not that way. Spread out, things can be handled, managed, and dealt with. These three things have all happened within the span of THREE WEEKS of one another. Two of them within a few days. In short, I'm at the end of sanity's rope, flushing back down into the depression that mired me before I formed this channel, that this channel SAVED me from. I need music, I need this channel...

I need you, Nation. You're all important to me.

I hope you all can find it possible to forgive the lack of updates, videos, and chatter. I hope you forgive when I make plans that don't seem to happen. Its never because of laziness or general douche-baggery. That's not my style of operation WHATSOEVER. Its universally because of outside forces working against me, or in this case, the whole world seeming to collapse around me.

I act superhuman, like a Marvel hero, but I am human. I swear.

Larger than life is only my voice, my body and soul is driven by human breath.

I love you all.

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